Pick Your Battles
My oldest has beautiful blonde hair. It is the color I am always trying to achieve. When she was younger, it was long. I loved it. I did not, however, love the struggle of brushing it. In fact, I wrote a blog in the past about how I ended up yelling at her due one of the brushing “battles”.
This past year, she was growing it out for my little sister’s wedding. She wanted to be able to have a fancy updo. Unfortunately, she still struggled to brush her hair. I mean, she would brush it but not well. I could not tell by looking at her that it was brushed even though I saw her do it. She and I talked about it and decided it was not a battle worth fighting. We decided to go back to a shorter style since it was easier.
It wasn’t worth it to have to nag her about her hair. It wasn’t worth it to start the day with a negative interaction. So, I let it go. She still looked beautiful in my sister’s wedding even though it was different than what we had imagined. And I still have to remind her to brush her hair, but it is soooooo much easier.
Unfortunately, mental illness still carries a big stigma. I recently was discussing some of my kids’ problems that result from mental illness when separately I had two family members tell me that is was not appropriate to share that with others. Why? If my kids had something happen due to Diabetes or asthma, would I still be told it was inappropriate to share? Mental illness and medical illness are not that different. Both can have external causes and both can have biological causes.
I have anxiety. I have been on medication for anxiety since I was twenty. I have seen therapists from time to time when needed due to the anxiety. I know that my brain does not make the correct chemicals and therefore I need medication. I also know there are coping skills that I utilize to help decrease symptoms. The medication and the coping skills work together so that I can be successful.
My kids are young (my oldest is ten). We are still working with mental health professionals to figure out what works best for them. And I’m not ashamed of this. I am embarrassed at times due to some of their behaviors, but who cannot say that about their kids. Heck, I’m embarrassed sometimes by my behavior. No one is perfect.
I hope that we all start talking more about mental illness. According to NAMI, one in five children either have or have had a seriously debilitating mental illness (https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-disorder-among-children.shtml). That’s 20%! So in your kid’s school classroom, probably three to five kids will be affected. It sucks (but so do medical illnesses) but that doesn’t mean we should not talk about it. That only makes it worse. Instead, let’s start having open dialogue, not place blame, and offer support.
JENNIFER EULBERG, MA, LPC
Welcome Jennifer, our new blogger!
Jennifer is a counselor at Sandhill who specializes in depression, self-esteem, and grief & loss. Get to know Jennifer as she shares her perspectives on life, contemplates value themes, and offers gentle encouragement.
THANK YOU to Stefanie Pisarkiewicz, LPC for her blog contributions from November 2014 - February 2019!
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