The Paradox of April

by Jill Storm, M.Ed., PLPC

 April is the cruelest month. Or at least that’s what T. S. Eliot said in the opening line of his poem The Waste Land.
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For many of us, Eliot’s thought defies expectations of what April should be. April is the advent of spring and of the earth’s annual rebirth. The trees are blooming. The squirrels are scurrying around. The birds are chirping, and the sun is shining far more. After months of awaiting spring, we are ready to feel better. This is especially the case for those who suffer from the winter blues, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

For many, it is certainly true that spring improves their mental health. They are able to get outside more and move their bodies, and the Vitamin D and increased daylight hours rejuvenates them. But for others, they wonder why their depression doesn’t improve. They might see all their friends or families posting on social media about their happiness and outdoor events and feel isolated. Because, unlike others, they aren’t better. The relief they expected with the change of the season didn’t come.

For any of you who are feeling this, I want to reassure you that it’s okay not to be okay, even if it seems like everyone around you is waking up after a long winter.

In fact, research has shown that April is a tough month for people’s mental health and consistently has been for at least a century. More individuals, particularly in the Northern Hemisphere, complete suicide in the months of April and May than at any other time of year. Lots of researchers have speculated on the possible reasons why. One theory is that spring allergies lead to physical inflammation, irritability, and increased impulsivity, all of which can increase suicide risk.

Another theory is that we feel like we should be feeling better and when we don’t, we lose hope. This is the feeling of paradox Elliot was trying to capture in his poem. He writes, “April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.” In other words, the rebirth of spring makes us want to feel better. We desire more and instinctively raise the bar on who we can be and how we can feel. Eliot writes, “Winter kept us warm, covering earth in forgetful snow.” Many of us hunker down in winter and adjust our expectations. Then spring arrives and we hope for more. And hope can be a scary thing sometimes.

Ultimately, researchers don’t know for certain exactly why suicide rates spike so high in April. What we do know is that talking about our mental health and realizing we are not alone in our sadness or pain can be the bridge we need towards feeling better. No matter what is going on inside your head or outside your window, realize that just as the seasons change, so too can our thoughts and feelings. In April, we might not bloom just when the daffodils do, and we might not feel like singing as loudly as the birds outside are chirping. Yet we can feel better in the future.
And, in the meantime, it’s okay not to be okay.

Seeking out help when you are struggling is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Some ways to seek help if you are struggling this spring are to reach out to a mental health professional and make an appointment. If you are already seeing a therapist, let them know that you are having a hard time so that they can provide you with additional resources and create a safety plan for those tough moments. Additionally, there are numerous hotlines where you can seek immediate support. These include the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, which is 1-800-273-
TALK (8255). You can also just dial 988. If you are in the St. Louis area, you can call Behavioral Health Response 24 hours a day at 314-469-6644. No one should suffer alone.